10.20.2011

31 Days of Being Real: Day 20 - Random Thoughts on an Unexpected Upheaval

Just over 48 hours ago, a huge piece of my world fell apart.

I'm not openly sharing the details here yet because I am trying to be sober and deliberate about the whole thing, as it affects not just me but the lives of hundreds of others as well. So there's no use really describing what happened at least until after it reaches a certain resolution point on Sunday afternoon.

On the one hand, I wish Sunday would get here already; it is torture to stew in unavoidable feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration, knowing there's nothing I can do about it. And the lack of final resolution makes the whole thing seem surreal. But, on the other hand, I wish Sunday would never dawn...because, no matter how things turn out, people will be hurt. Maybe just a few. Maybe hundreds. Obviously, I'd prefer the result with less relative pain, but I certainly don't relish the thought of any of my friends facing that prospect. What's worse, I fear the odds are against that scenario anyway - that, instead, the devastation will be deep and broad.

Lest you think this is unbiblical fear and worry, I can assure you that I'm confident it's not. It's just the weight of a terrible, untenable situation bearing down on me, which we all face in different ways at times. I know some people will say, "Just push it off, and don't think about it until Sunday." But, in my view, there's no sense denying the reality of the angst as long as I also insure that it doesn't consume me; denial is a hallmark of dysfunction and I refuse to go there again. So I'm "being real" here - acknowledging that a portion of my world is in shambles at the moment...a reality that, in Jesus' name, I absolutely despise.

What I know though - and what I stand on - is that God is in control. In the midst of the storm, He is here. In fact, He knew this was coming even though the rest of us were utterly blindsided. And He knows how it'll resolve, as well as what that will mean for me and my family and everyone else.

Serendipitously, my girls and I are learning the old hymn How Firm a Foundation this week. And tonight the second verse echoes in my head:

Fear not, I am with you, O be not dismayed;
For I am your God, and will still give you aid;
I'll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.


Praise Him for those truths; I claim them in this situation! But please excuse me now while I go cry myself to sleep...

~~~~~

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4 comments:

Jennifer said...

One of my absolute favorite hymns!

I will be praying for you and this situation.

Q said...

We have endured explosion after explosion after explosion - all at churches.

The KING is still on the throne, and none of this explosion has removed you from being his daughter. Cling to his perfect provision for you and your family.

And know that you're being prayed for too! HUGS!

Conny said...

SO SO understand what you are going thru!! When I was a sophomore in high school (1985/86!!!!! ack!), our pastor reisnged our church due to an affair with one of our Christian school student's mothers. It absolutely rocked my world and my faith ... but what I came out of it to believe (took a while to understand) is that we need to look continually TO THE LORD not to men. The men will let us down every time - our God will never do that. :) I don't know what you are facing there - but I do know GOD is working and will heal and grow you.

Laura said...

Tina, I so feel for you, and I can not imagine the pain and major disappointment. I have to agree with what Conny said, men (people in general) will let us down. Keep your eyes on the Lord. He will NEVER fail us. And I agree with Q that God is STILL in control. And remember, God is not surprised, and this is not something that He can't handle. He knew about the circumstances. I wish I could crawl through the internet lines, and just give you a big (((hug)))). I will be praying for you sister.

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