10.07.2011

31 Days of Being Real: Day 7 - Photophobic

Tomorrow morning, I will face one of my biggest fears: a camera.

I know that sounds patently silly to most - and I know that, compared to some fears, it's quite foolish. But this month is all about being real, and there's no denying that having my picture taken is a very real fear for me.

The reason? I simply don't photograph well most of the time. And I do not relish looking at "ugly" photos of myself - let alone enduring the knowledge that someone else might choose to put pictures of me which I find distasteful on display somewhere else.

When I've expressed this reality in the past, the default response has been, "But all the pictures I see of you are fine." And that's the truth - because I only publish the shots with which I feel comfortable. However, I would venture to guess that my good poses account for, perhaps, only 20% of the pictures I take. The rest make me want to cry. And sometimes I do.

But tomorrow is family photo day - an occasion I treasure in theory because, ironically, I love documenting my very photogenic daughters' lives on film. I even love the idea of regular family photographs; I just don't usually like how I look in them.

The girls' birthday pictures are long overdue, though, and it's time for another attempt at a family shot because they have changed so much since our last ones. So I'm going and, thankfully, I've been able to trust our new family photographer - a fellow local homeschooling mom - with my fears, so she's going to do her best to put me in my best light. But I'm still scared.

So maybe this post is as much prayer request as confessional. If you read this, could you pray for me boldly - that God might even see fit to enable me to like all the shots I'm in? It's hard for me to have that sort of confidence about this, so I have a tendency to pray more modestly - Please, God, just one pose, okay?! But I would treasure the audacious prayers of all of you. And maybe knowing that others have my back (and my front, side, and face, too!) will calm my nerves tomorrow morning.


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To read other 31 Day blogs and/or join in yourself, visit Nesting Place.

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Photo Credit: u* (http://www.flickr.com/photos/onllyu/308585293/)

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