Feeling Conflicted and Sick

A week ago at this time, I was battling nausea and its repercussions because of a nasty case of stomach flu. Thankfully, I recovered from that about 24 hours later, but I've since been hit by increasing bouts of nausea emanating from a different source entirely: my church.

Back in October, I mentioned that we'd been blindsided by a very serious internal issue that would take time to resolve. And then in November, I noted that a denominational mediation team had begun the process of trying to figure things out, but that it would take a while.

Well, now the "day of reckoning" is upon us, as that team will return this weekend and share its findings and recommendations at a meeting after the Sunday services.

On the one hand, I am so grateful this is coming; three months of waiting is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it has been excruciating in some ways to be stuck in limbo regarding something so important to my family and me. After Sunday we - and everyone else in our congregation - can at least finally begin the process of moving forward from this, in one way or another. And that's a relief.

But, on the other hand, I am absolutely dreading the meeting. There still exists, of course, the chance of a miracle; nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1.37)! However, I'm pretty sure we're going to end up with something other than the ideal resolution...and that breaks my heart. Because, barring that miracle, people will be hurt, and relationships will be forever changed - not necessarily for the better. God is in control, and He will work it all out for His glory, but from a human perspective, it's almost certain to be messy.

So...is it any wonder that I don't know whether I want time to stand still or race...and that I feel more and more like puking the closer Sunday gets?

Photo Credit: ViVi Sunshine


Q said...

This is another situation in which I'm so pleased to be a woman. I stay happily at home, praying, remaining calm, and Mr Perfect gets to go to the meeting. There is no reason I have to witness people turning into lunatics and the foul that then moves in every direction.

And we wonder where our government gets it from!

Praying for you and your church!

Deanna said...

People fail us, but God never does! I will most certainly be praying for you and your church this weekend.

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